THE WEIRDEST DREAM

I had a very strange dream, and in my dream my family and I were in a very strange city, and I was driving a very big car (*hohohoho*). We went shopping (*well, what else do we know how to do *) and Momma bought a very nice shawl for herself. Smelly Sister wanted to buy a sandal which she said really cute, and I was just observing the surroundings. The shopkeeper was attending to us, and then  I followed Momma to the other corner of the shop, and this annoying shopkeeper was following us so closely too, as if we wanted to steal or shoplift. So, I told my Dad, “Why don’t you pop a fart so that she would go away!!” Hahhahahahaah! So silly and strange dream, right??!

And another part of the dream, I met a friend, a close friend and he is a very good guy. He said something really strange to me, “Veronica, you gotta start deleting him from all your contacts, because why? He is cheating on you badly!!!” I can remember the exact sentence that he said to me. OMG — what does it mean really?? I am sad again

I do not want to be in any relationship anymore. I do not want to be hurt anymore. If you ask me, I can say that this heart is closed. What does it take to open this heart again? I don’t now either, maybe it will be closed forever.

FEELING GIDDY

I am having this stupid pain in the chest and I couldn’t sleep last night. Now I am feeling all giddy and just feel the pain whenever I breath, feels like I am soon gonna need repository aid to breath. It’s a very big concern since I have been partying a lot and inhaling all the smoke (*no, I do not smoke*) might have caused this Maybe I should just slow down on the party a little, but I think it’s the only fun thing I know how to do, or maybe I should really pick up a serious hobby, like joining G0-Karting Club or a dance club. I think I should quickly enrol myself in a dance class because I am getting really bored with my monotonous life. I need something fun and energetic to do. I may be small, but there are times I would be so full of energy I can jump around non-stop! Try to ask me out partying after a whole day of a hard work, whatever work at all. I’d definitely be jumping out of my chair and said YES, LET’S GO loudly with that glow and silly grin on my face!!

Anyway, today I don’t feel really good and in a way I am feeling upset because he is not there with me when I needed him the most. I think the heartbreak is taking a heavy toll on me, on my health. Momma was right, I could fall sick if I continue to allow myself to be shadowed by sadness and grieves. No matter how I try to be perky and happy and positive everyday, there would be a time during the day or night when the sadness and grieves would simply give me a nudge and I would start to feel all low again.

Sucks!

MONDAY MORNING

It is February 8, 2010. Yes, time flies and what have I done? I am moving too slow, even slower than a freaking tortoise. I gotta move at a faster pace! Damn, why I have been so dumb to waste my time over something which is totally not worth my time? *Smack own head* But I guess that what love is all about. It makes you dumb and stupid! *Smack head three times*

I think it’s time to get out of this stagnant life. The world is not waiting for me, in fact the world is moving at a faster pace! And it is getting faster by the day! Where are the goals which I have set for myself? But at this point of life, I prefer to let nature take its course. I leave everything in the hand of God. Because why? Because for so many years, it seems like all my plans screwed up! Things never turned out to be what I wanted them to be. Hence, I am going to do my best, and leave to God the rest! Anyway, I have just realised that this year I do not have any New Year resolution because I didn’t come up with any. Why? Because I was too busy crying over someone who would never cry back for me!!

And I seriously need a new circle of friends, friends who are within my league and stature, not friends who are so stuck up in the mud!! I guess I even have to come up with another list, “Who Can Be Veronica’s Friends” criteria list!!! Because I am totally done and over with people who are nothing but total losers, and friends who would do nothing but stab each other at the back!!! Gaahhh…being a grown up is so freaking complicated.

Remember I told you I used to love December but now I totally hate it? I love February so much coz it is supposed to be the lovey dovey month because of Valentine’s Day and also my birthday is in February! But now, I FREAKING HATE FEBRUARY! Yeah, thanks to you man, you totally screw up my life, but again, you’re nothing but a history now! Yes, I do still feel very sour over what happened, but things happen, they just do, and when they do, there is no point in trying to lose all your limbs to stop them from happening because no matter what, they will still happen!

Favorite picture of the day:

SUDDEN REALIZATION

When I was at the church this afternoon, I had this sudden realization, it’s like an epiphany! I was somehow day-dreaming for a while, and I was staring at the empty bench in front of me. Then I saw this family came and sit at the bench, and they are one of those happy family that I always dream to have one day – good husband, two kids, one boy and one girl. THE PERFECT HAPPY FAMILY! And they pray together. That’s it — I dream of a family that prays together because family that prays together, stays together! That’s the kind of family that I want!!

So, it makes me realise that my relationship didn’t work out for a reason! With the culture and religion differences, there is no way I can have my dream family! Which means, it’s either my future husband is a Catholic or someone who is willing to be a Catholic. I think I’ll stick to the first one because it’s not easy to brain wash someone hahahah (*been there done that!!*). Besides, I rather be with someone who is of the same faith (*well, see who’s talking now!!*)

Meaning, I have added one more criteria to the “Veronica’s Most Eligible Guy” criteria list (*eehemm..clear throat — I said I am playing the field now *) Seems like I have to start thinking about getting some puppies now since the list is getting longer . Anyway, a golden retriever would be great But, I think that Malaysia is a very dog-unfriendly country. I find it is not common to walk the dog, and when I was in JB, I remember seeing “No Dog” signs at many places especially at the park. How to walk my dog?? How to play catch with my dog? Very difficult. Ok, forget about the dog. I am happy with Lola for now. She has been running on the wheel a lot lately!! And she is alone, just like me, because her lesbian partner Pico died months ago! So sad…

Anyway, I have been nominated for  “The Worst Girlfriend Ever” award! Isn’t that great?

To win the award, you have to be totally misunderstood by your Boyfriend. It’s that simple. Because when you are totally being misunderstood, whatever good intentions you have, they will be seen as bad intentions, and whatever loving things you are trying to do, they will be seen as annoying and repulsive! And when you are craving for the attention and care, you will be seen as troublesome and loathesome. In short, whatever you do is JUST WRONG!!

But again, it’s not my fault that you couldn’t keep your promises. It is not my fault that you could hardly spend time with me. It is not my fault that you failed to give me the attention and care that I need. It is not my fault that I constantly feel insecure! It is not my fault that your life is not perfect, in fact my life is not perfect either, so we are both screwed! And it is not my fault that you hate your life, because I hate my life as much as you do!! So, we should seriously stop blaming each other and own up the responsibility and admit that it is in fact our own fault that this relationship didn’t work.

But the problem is, you just don’t know how to love.

Gosh, life is such a drama!

HE SHOWED THE WAY

Hurrah!! I found the way to SFX PJ and it’s surprisingly super easy! And I found the shortest way to get there compared to the last time when I was with my family where we made a very long trip around PJ New Town…bleaah! I was so thankful I finally know how to get to church. I miss going to church, attending Holy Mass, receiving Holy Communion and singing hymns (*yeah I have a friend whose hobby is singing hymns *)

Anyway, it was such a good feeling now that I am beginning to cultivate the habit of going to church again. For the past 6 years, I was stupidly left the church, abandoning my faith and belief which have grown in me since I was young as a Catholic. I remember how I was told that I should not believe in Mother Mary, but let me tell you one story when I was young, perhaps I was 8 or 9 years old.

I was a very competitive and studious student since young, and I love being top in my class. But of course I have challengers among my classmates, and every semester we would study really hard to be top in the class. One fine evening, Smelly Sister and I, she was 5 or 6 years old back then, we decided to say the prayer of the Holy Rosary. Well, I sort of dragged her, she’s so young, she knew nothing back then but to drink milk hahahahha. I lit the candle and we knelt down and started to pray for half an hour.  And in between the praying session, I asked Mother Mary to help me to get first place during my final examination, and I wanted it so bad to beat my classmates and be the top student. And, guess what. I DID!! I was the top student in my class for many semesters and frankly speaking, I believe my prayer was answered.

Those were the days when I was an innocent little girl And I never stop believing that if we pray unceasingly and honestly, our prayer will be answered Anyway, I don’t know why I felt like crying today when I was in church. I just have this overwhelming feeling

Okie, enough of being preachy. It’s going to be a new week. Hopefully things will get better for everyone of us.

Take care, eat well, eat fruit and later, guys!!!

Favorite photo of the day:

My photo taken by the Rajang River, the longest river in Malaysia @ my hometown.

Tags: Longest River in Malaysia, Petaling Jaya, PJ New Town, Rajang River, St.Francis Xavier

SFX OH SFX, WHERE ART THOU??

I missed church this morning, not because I woke up late but because my memory fails me! Oh my memory, what is wrong with you? Is it because of too much partying?? Niahaahaha I somehow couldn’t remember the road to go to St.Francis Xavier church at Petaling Jaya!! Oh my Goodness, what is wrong with me. Nevermind, am not gonna give up. Gonna go for Mass at 5.30 pm later and this time I will leave an hour earlier, or even earlier than that!

And I just don’t geddit why people were driving like mad this morning, and I promise I almost hit a few cars because they came out of junctions without their eyes! You know what I mean?? Crazy fellas! Gaahhhh…was so angry and frustrated. I lost my way and the strange thing is I couldn’t seem to recall how to get to the place?? Have they changed the road recently? Or have they moved the buildings around because seriously I almost go crazy just now! The only thing I could say when I was in search for the church, “WHAT?? HOW COME I DON’T REMEMBER THIS ROAD? WHY I HAVE NOT SEEN THIS BEFORE? BLA BLA BLA BLA!!” And it was only last Christmas that I brought my family to the church. So anyone care to show me the way??? I think God will

Last night party was crazy. Club hopping from Borneo Rainforest to Coco Banana. It is so shitty that Borneo closed at 1 pm. Macam sial! And it was somehow dull, but hey the party will never be dull when we girls are around Went to Coco Banana and damn, I hate that place! Full of college students who have just passed the legal age to drink and party at the club. And it was overcrowded! And when asked for plain water, I was given pipe water!! Memang macam sial! Anyway, I was dead drunk I wonder how the hell did I get home??!! And the next thing I know when I was awake in the morning, my phone was on the floor and the keypad and the battery was out. I must have thrown tantrum last night…hehehehe. And almost fell of the bed the moment I got up… bleaahh. Must be the effect of 3 bottles + 1 glass of beer and 1 Tequila Shot. Not too much though. Must be the empty stomach then…gaahh!

Ok people, will rant more later.

Take care, eat well, eat fruit and later, guys!!!

Favorite photo of the day:

View from my condominium and captured the lightning unintentionally

Tags: Bandar Sunway, Borneo Rainforest, Coco Banana, SFX PJ, St.Francis Xavier, Tequila Shot

WHAT MAKES YOU STRONGER

Went to KL this morning to accompany Sureka, and the drive was bitter sweet. Sweet because I get to spend time with Sureka. Bitter because the whole journey from my place to KL reminded me of him. Aarghhh…hate the feeling so much. From the petrol station, to the car wash near my place, to that Starbucks at Bukit Bintang. EVERYTHING reminds me of him. This is definitely the hardest part of my life, lettting go. And I promise myself — no more guy!! Or girl….hahahaha! Just kidding. It’s time for me to clear my head because guys cloud my mind and give me nothing but heartaches and more heartaches! So, no more guys! Period!

People say, what does not kill you, makes you stronger. True indeed, and I believe I am strong enough to face another break up! JUST BRING IT ON! And seriously, it’s time for me to play the field. I have been very generous in giving my love and heart, in the end I just have it all shattered and broken. No more  nice Veronica, no more lovey dovey Veronica. It’s going to be bitter Veronica, bitchy Veronica, heartbreaker Veronica (*hahahahahahahaha*) I totally cannot imagine me being such a person, but hey I’ll try to be one…bleaaah!

It’s a Saturday and am going to party tonight. Nothing is a better cure for a broken heart but a good company and a bucket of ice cold beer and endless trips to the loo…hohohoho, and not forgetting the good music, and some hunks checking you out and you buat don’t know jer!! Nothing is more fun but to lie about your name, “Hi I am Rachel”. Yeah, I am totally Rachel!! Or maybe I can try to be Carrie from Sex in the City…hmmm…maybe not! Hopefully Joanna won’t forget her name again this time…hahahah (*inside joke*)

By the way, I feel like getting myself inked again. Did I tell you that tattoo is really addictive? Too bad I am so small, so I don’t have much skin area to tattoo…booohooo! I don’t want it to be visible because I don’t want Momma to know about it because she is gonna slaughter me and cook curry and nom nom nom….bleaah! Although most likely some big mouth people who read this blog or have seen my tattoo in my Facebook would tell her sooner or later. But I asked Bishop about having a tattoo and he said Catholic church remains neutral when it comes to tattoo. Which means…HUURRAHHH!!! Momma cannot say anything now…hohohoho! But of course you don’t tattoo something evil or scary or very devilish, then I guess it’s fine.

Self-mutilation – I guess that’s what it’s about. And tattoo is one of it, besides trying to cut yourself. I am not shy to admit that I have this problem which I would rather call – Self-Injury. Some people have mixed feelings and most people feels disgusted by such behaviour, but before you judge too soon, please take a moment to think why do these people, or we have such behaviour? It is our way to cope with depression, anxiety, stress, heartbreaks (*in my case*) and frustrations. It’s of course not the most rational or logical way, but instead of judging and rejecting these people, have you ever thought that you could actually help them or us? I believe most of us do not expect any sympathy or help from anyone, but the act of self-harm itself is actually a signal that shows we do need help. And remember, everyone is different and unique, and if you think we are not normal for acting like that, then I suggest you go f*ck yourself! You cannot expect everyone to be the same like you. Just because you pee in your pants does not mean everybody does! HAHAHAHAHA…! So, geddit now?

So, next time when you see that your GF or BF self-harm herself or himself, don’t even think of doing such a stupid thing like ignoring or rejecting or judging her or him and thinking that she or he is crazy because that would worsen the condition. A little compassion and attention is sufficient enough to bring these people out from that state of trying to harm themselves. So, be more loving to us. We need a lot of love, care and attention We’re just going through another state of depression or anxiety or frustrations.

So, there you go! Another confession I made publicly! (*OMG — am I being too public about myself?*) Well, no big deal!! I guess that is what blogging publicly all about. I don’t understand why people can or want to be so discreet about themselves. Like, you don’t even want people to know who are you dating, who is your GF, what are you doing tonight, what did you eat for dinner, or even a simple how are you!! If the person who asked is a total stranger, then I totally understand, but if the person who asked is someone so close that she knows how many moles you have and stuff, I just don’t see the reason to be so discreet or secretive and being so hostile like, “Hey, it’s none of your business!!” I guess it’s the culture, but I don’t think so. I believe it is more of the attitude problem and sense of distrust.

Okie guys, it’s enough for now. Gotta clean my house/room and get ready to PARTY!!

Take care, eat well, eat fruit and later, guys!!!

Favorite photo of the day:

Don’t forget to hit the “Like” button if you like this post. TQ!

Tags: Bukit Bintang, Kuala Lumpur, self-harm, self-injury, self-mutilation, Sex in the city, Starbucks, tattoo

NEW PLUGIN

I have added a new plugin to my blog where you can actually “Like” my post. So, if you like my post, don’t forget to hit on the button as shown in the following image!! HIT IT, BABY!!! Actually, I find this is a better option for those who are lazy to comment on posts…teehheee. And you will remain anonymous and you can only click once! So, happy clicking and enjoy reading

p/s: I have just “Liked” my own post, I was only testing the button…heheheh

Tags: Wordpress plugin

SLEEP DISORDER

I am such a pig coz I dozed off immediately after dinner! Well, dinner was at 10 pm, and while watching Dr.Dolittle 2 on Astro, I just “collapse” (*well that’s the term Teddy used to use to refer to the sudden dozing off after meals — Teddy is not exactly a new character in my life, it’s an old character but with a new name — go figure!*) and snore.

Well, not snore though, I don’t snore and even if I do, how the hell do I know since I am living alone unless I record it? Besides, who in the world is so “duhhh” to record their own snore as if they have nothing better to do? Unless you are a Scientist, doing some research on sleep of course. But since I am nowhere near a Scientist but a Couch Potato and a Party Junkie, so I don’t really care whether I snore or not, but no I do not snore. But I have one problem. Teeth Grinding or Bruxism!! And I have no solution to this!!

Well, I have not seek any solution because to me it is not as serious as snoring I guess, although my sleeping partner (*what I mean with sleeping partner here is anyone who sleeps with me be it in the same room or on the same bed and that includes my Smelly Sister — you Pervert!!*) sometimes would ask, “What’s with the ‘eating’ in your sleep? Did you dream you were at some Buffet at Las Vegas or something??” I heard food at Las Vegas is fantastic especially when it comes to Buffet!! Nom nom nom…hohohoh *drooling over don’t know what*. Or something more like, “I thought there was a burglar in the room last night!!!” OH MY GOODNESS! That’s ridiculous, it can’t be that bad!! Or, was it really that bad???!!!!

I told my Dentist about it before and he somehow suggested that I wear some kind of protection (*I don’t know why but when I speak about ‘wearing protection’, my mind seems to wander somewhere else…!! Shit, mind…come back you!!*) to protect me from grinding my teeth too much and end up with teeth like Lola, my Hamster…bleaahh! Just kidding. But, bruxism can cause some serious problem especiall dental problem! Imagine having a good night dream about Brad Pitt and you stranded on one of the island in Bahamas and the next thing you know the moment you wake up, your teeth is gone!! Yeah, I could totally imagine that…the part where Brad Pitt and I stranded on that island I mean…heheheheh!

So, I admitted something to the whole wide world now!! BUT!! Yeah, there’s a but. I still think teeth grinding is not as bad as snoring! My Big Brother snores and when he does, he shakes the whole building!!! Yeah, it’s that bad!! Just kidding, it wasn’t that bad, not until the neighbour complains….ahhahahha. Kidding again…teeeheeee. Anyway, when something annoys you so much, you tend to exxagerate it — or maybe it’s only applicable to me So back to this snoring issue, I heard stories about couples had fights over snoring, couples try to commit homicide or couples try to poison each other — nahh…that’s too much, but maybe there is, who knows! But I have not heard anyone complaining much about teeth grinding yet other than getting crude remarks like, “Were you chewing stones in your sleep last night??!!” Or “Was there a tea party in your mouth??!” So bleahhh liddat!

Okie then, enough about sleep disorder. I guess I am going to bed, again! (*It’s 3.28 am and I am awake just to blog???!! Yeah, I damn miss blogging, okie!*)

Take care, eat well, eat fruit and later, guys!!!

Favorite photo of the day:

Tags: bruxism, sleep disorder, snore, teeth grinding

I FEEL LIKE THIS IS TOO MUCH

I was hesitated to delete all the entries from this blog, but part of me just don’t wish to look back at all the pain anymore. Anyway, most of the entries are damn drama liddat, and all very sad and emo and like-you-wanna-slap-me-head liddat!! (*I dare you!! *)

Well, the truth is, I didn’t exactly delete everything. I have moved all the entries somewhere else in the unknown place in the big big world wide web! Find it if you can! I doubt you could because it has been set as a private blog for now! FOR NOW! Meaning, one day when I am old and all wrinkled, I will set it to Public again. Isn’t that sweet to walk down the momery lane, reminiscing the good old days, and the bad old days!! All the happy moment, the heartbreaks and all! Well, if I would live pass 50…hohohohoh, which I doubt very much looking at the amount of alcohol I consume daily.

ALCOHOL IS RUNNING THROUGH MY VEIN!!!

Not proud of it, but hey, human would do anything to ease the pain and in my case, this is just my way. Ahhh ahhh…don’t start that preach, you! I know alcohol is bad for the liver, in fact alcohol is bad for everything, it is very flammable (*hmmm thinking of flaming lamborghini…not the car, you potato, it’s the drink — click here is you still have no idea what is that*) and fire can burn down a house! Yeah, it’s dangerous (*My way of explaining thing is so interesting, don’t you think?? It’s so bleahh liddat *)

Anyway, I will quit soon. When? Soon, very soon. When Soya Milk tastes better than Jack Daniel or Absolut Vodka or Red Wine, and when Orange Juice can make me fly like Chivas Regal or Johnnie Walker or that tuak my Father securely guard for years!! (*Click here if you wanna learn how to make your own tuak*) So for now, I guess I would stick to something with nothing less than 40% of alcohol…teeehhheee. But seriously, beer is good too. It makes me go to the loo for 20 times within 2 hours! Just kidding la, you know I love to exxagerate things The other day I wanted to bring tuak from my hometown, but in the end I have to leave it behind for an undisclosed reason…sob sob sob….!!! It’s only a bottle of RICE WINE okie!!! Airport Security is so damn tight! So, friends who were expecting the Tuak, sorry guys. But, I think you can try to DIY the tuak, just click on the link above…teeehheee

Anyway, it’s going to be a movie night tonight with Sureka. It has been ages since the last time I went to the movie!! (*Don’t want to talk about it la, make me really sad *) Have no idea what movie to watch yet, but I guess we would just go there and decide. Hmmm…I wonder why I feel like we would end up at Borneo Rainforest again tonight instead of the movie?? Hmmm…just that funny feeling

Okie guys, I miss blogging so much!! I know you guys hate it so much when I wrote nothing but those emo entries, but this time I’ll write more craps okie!! Somehow it makes me happy to rant and ramble about all kind of nonsense.

Take care, eat well, eat fruit and later, guys!!!

Updated: Movie is canceled, so I guess I would stay at home for movie marathon Or sprucing this blog of mine, thinking of a new layout and skin Ciao~~

Favorite photo of the day:

This is indeed a very jolly praying mantis!! I want to be jolly like that!!

Tags: Borneo Rainforest, flaming lamborghini, Rice Wine, Sarawak Tuak, tuak