I just can’t think of a title for this entry. I just feel like writing something before I go to bed. 2.45 am and I want to wake up early tomorrow to clear all the tasks I have in the to-do list. And it’s mad long!! =__= I am feeling all nervous already but heck, that’s life and I must work really really hard and smart =P

Anyway, it has been announced that Eid falls on Friday. Fahd would be celebrating Eid with his friends while I’ll be staying at home — working. Public holiday? I don’t need one for now =D All I want is to see everything goes on smoothly and without any glitches (*although I would rather prepare for the worst…bleaahhh!*)

Sister was asking me to go for a road trip with her and brother-in-law, but doubt I’d be going anywhere until I get everything settled and done. Besides, I’ve just had a road trip with Fahd recently, so I don’t think I want to go anywhere just yet. But, I have to bring Fahd for a haircut tomorrow so that he’s well-groomed for the Eid =D I just love to see my man all groomed and dressed up =)

Okie then, I am going to munch something real quick before bed because I am really really hungry from doing all the thinking and planning. Who said eating at late hours will make us fat? I am losing weight instead!!! And don’t bother asking me what’s my secret, because I seriously don’t know =P

Ta!!

I know I have not been updating this blog for a few days now. I always want to keep it updated daily, but lately due to some work commitment, I don’t find myself having the time to do so anymore. Yeah, I have landed myself the dream job, probably one of the best job I have ever wanted. No more yelling at kids, no more getting sarcastic remarks from the higher level and no more getting ridiculous emails with Bold words in them as if I don’t know that the word MUST has to be emphasized. I can read….PERIOD!

Although the work is consuming me right now to the point that I even try to solve a problem in my sleep, yeah, that’s how much I have allowed myself to be possessed by my work =) But, I am loving it! So, what is my job you say? Hint: Virtual organization and telecommuting. Now from those two words I am sure you can figure out something, and those who have known me long enough, yeah, I am back to the same old me =)

I had my first meeting two weeks ago in Singapore and that was a really quick meeting. It has been so long since the last time I set foot in Singapore especially after I have moved to Kuala Lumpur. Even when I was still in JB, I hardly enter the little red dot. Well, simply because I have no purpose of going there anymore! Anyway, I am sure glad that I didn’t have to suffer through the long drives and heavy traffic at the causeway ever again!

Anyway, I had the chance to visit the little island and this time I didn’t drive in like what I used to do. This time, I took a flight to Singapore! And the last time I set foot at Changi Airport, Singapore was when I was super duper young! And I sure have very embarrassing moment there because I slipped and fell right on my butt..and that was so painful and embarrassing! And I remember the Immigration Officer who checked on us was so fierce!

Anyway, this time around, I got the chance to fly to Singapore courtesy of the Boss =) Anyway, I wasn’t there for leisure ok, it was for a meeting, short and brief meeting I must say. So brief I didn’t even set foot in the city area! Yeah, I stayed at the airport. Well, if you already start to imagine that I sleep on the benches and brushes my teeth at the airport toilet just like what Tom Hanks did in the movie “The Terminal”, then you’re totally wrong. Because I stayed at the awesome and super amazing Crowne Plaza Hotel at Changi Airport, also courtesy of the Boss =P

I guess I’ll just let the pictures do the talking now =)

Can you spot UTM?!! ^__^

Spot the kelongs ^__^

One day, Singapore will be square =)

Reclaiming land =)

Polluted water vs clean water??!

That must be a big ship =P

Landed, finally! And it was a very quick journey. The guys  behind me didn’t even managed to finish their food =P Must be so hungry coz they couldn’t even for 45 minutes to eat!

And I also arrived at the hotel =P Coolness!!

And immediately to work =D (*after lunch of course =P*)

My workstation in my hotel room. I am thinking of getting the same chair!

And yeah, that is an Ipad. Not mine of course But it’s super cool!!

Jumbo size bed for a midget like me!

Nice wall deco =) My Mom would love this coz she loves flowers! (*Well, so do I!*)

Mini bar, looking yummy but definitely not the kind of food I am looking for in Singapore! =P

Hmmm…not these either…!

Nope nope nope….! We have these in Kuala Lumpur!

But I am looking for this! Yong Tau Foo! Although we also have this in Kuala Lumpur, but somehow it is different! =)

More choices! Yummy!!!

My meal! ^__^ And it’s only S$6!!

And Jollibean!! I bought Soy Beancurd for S$1.60!! CHEAP!!! And nothing is more than S$3! Food heaven! =)

This message is brought to you by Jollibean =P Damn right, use less plastic bag, people! (*More like telling myself =D*)

Favorite place! Bathroom!!! =)

I don’t mind sitting there for hours reading my favorite book while doing you know what!! =P

The tub was so tempting!

And the room comes with Ipod Docking Speaker! I was listening to my Ipod all night long =)

And I weighed 34.7 kg after food and before taking a long hot bath…. (*and with full clothes on =P*)

And that’s me wearing an oversized slipper =P

And me trying to be funny!! =P

And me wearing an oversized bathrobe! Don’t they have rooms catered especially for small people like me??! =P

Overlooking the bedroom from the bathroom. How cool is that?! Too bad, it was only me, so no one to there to see =(

Ngeh ngeh ngeh…!!! =P

And this is what love do to us, crazy and stupid =P

The airport from my room…

And the gorgeous swimming pool from my room! Too bad I didn’t have enough time to dip in the pool =)

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Okie people, that’s about it. I will blog again later. Take care!

How do you normally spend your Saturday night? Just lazying at home or dancing the night out at some clubs? I used to club a lot, I mean really a lot, but lately I have outgrown the habit. I find that the loud music and the hangover aren’t that appealing anymore. I find myself moving into a more quieter phase. Although I have to admit that alcohol is still dictacting my life.

(*Gosh….I am struggling to type properly!!!!*)

I was having another episode of nervous breakdown tonight and I decided to finish the remaining bottle of vodka I had. Now I only have Chivas and a bottle of white wine. I guess it is time to re-stock. I mean, like seriously! Or maybe I should just buy the whole crate of Heineken and keep them in the fridge. Or maybe I would buy another new fridge just to keep the beers so that I would have cold chilled beers whenever I needed them!

Have I ever told you how much I hate the way I deal with problems? I find that I tend to numb my anger and hatred and whatever ill-feeling I have with alcohol. I wonder whether Malaysia has any rehab for alcoholic. But, frankly speaking, I am not an alcoholic. I don’t abuse alcohol. I drink moderately only when I feel like I need to (*well, like right now*) and would end up snoozing and cuddling in bed like a cute little gerbil! But I still do think that I have serious alcohol problem because it is like my best friend whom I would always turn to whenever I am feeling down and sad and frustrated.

Anyway, I should be doing some serious work right now but I guess I’d wait till I am a little sober before I sit in front of this laptop of mine again to resume my work. I am dead serious about my work and I will never allow anything to go between me and my work or I’d kill whatever that come between me and my work!

Ok now, I will post a naked picture of me!

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What are you looking for, pervert!

There comes a point in my life where I would allow myself to be bothered by many things which in the end robbing me of my peaceful sleep at night. And most of them are the things which are in the past, things which I should have stashed neatly in the locked wooden box and hide it in the attic, waiting for it to be forgotten and consumed by time. There are times when I really wish that I do not have to make everything complicated. And there are times when I wish that I am a much simpler person.

Yes, I am complicated and sometimes I can be very hard to please. Sometimes, it is either my way or the highway, and most of the time it is my way. Being simple might not make me happy, but being complicated is not either. What I am trying to say is that I am easily bothered by nonsensical nonsense. I am still very bothered by his past. And in my effort to accept him just as he is, I find that I am so close to crossing the line of giving up and letting go of whatever I have which have been keeping me happy close to 6 months now.

Seriously, I should just stop thinking too much.

***I dedicate this lovely poem especially for the love of my life, Fahd***

Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.

Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.

Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future.
By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Don’t give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.
It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don’t be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love.
The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;
and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don’t dismiss your dreams.
To be without dreams is to be without hope;
to be without hope is to be without purpose.

Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been,
but also where you’re going.
Life is not a race,
but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

~ Nancye Sims ~

It’s funny how I do not feel inspired to write anything lately. I have many things which I can blog about; from the food I cooked, the movie I watched with Fahd and the places we’ve been to. But, I just don’t feel like writing about those things. I really don’t. Or maybe not yet because I am beginning to get sick and tired of writing about the voices in my head and the feelings that are thumping inside of me, wanting to be let out!

First of all, I have learned that silence is the best way to manage anger. And not to forget kind words too (*I just love it when I feel loved, even from that simple peck on the forehead*) I do not deny that I do have serious anger management problem but that doesn’t mean I have very short temper. I am not the kind who would throw tantrums easily unless there is something really big and bad triggers the button; the anger button I mean. And, after doing some self-reflection and looking back at my life throughout the years; somehow I can say that it was my own fault for allowing myself to be altered from a mild tempered girl to I-will-kill-you-if-you-make-me-angry kinda girl.

Anyway, it is Friday yet again and I am glad I am beginning to get my feet wet on the new chapter of my life. My long-term plan has changed and I am here to stay =) (*And Fahd couldn’t be more happier although he is very supportive especially when it comes to things that would make me happy, and seriously, how can you not love such a sweetheart?! =)*)

Anyway, I will blog again whenever I am a little inspired or whenever I feel like sitting down and write a proper entry =)

p/s: Fahd bought me lots of roses and I couldn’t be any happier! Will post the picture soon!! =)

The language we speak is the language of subtle which you apparently do not understand.

That’s why.

Finally I have made up my mind. And I just won’t reveal it here =) I guess I will let time unveil everything. I am very excited but also very anxious. I am so grateful to be given the second chance (*or is it the third or fourth or fifth?*) and I feel rather blessed to be given the opportunity to be involved in something which I foresee would turn into something big one day. I truly appreciate the trust given to me and I am determined to make the best out of the golden opportunity given to me.

Seriously, I was so excited but there is definitely one thing that I really want to do right now; to kneel and thank Him for His blessings. I know He has never abandoned me. It’s such a mystery how He would work wonders through the faithfulness of His people and by saying that, I am not talking about myself, but rather about the very one person whom I’d love to say the magical words, “I am eternally grateful!”

I have been resenting my life for the past two years after going through so many ups and downs but I always believe that there would be a day when the sun would shine again and that would be the day when I would once again find my true happiness. And I will make sure that the day would come very very soon.

Life is all about making choices. And right now I am stuck in this great dilemma about something which I don’t think I would reveal here, or maybe I am just not ready to reveal it yet. Basically I am having a midlife crisis right now. Gahh…just hate this part of my life where decision making seems to be the hardest thing to do. I miss those days when I don’t have to worry about making any choices, when all I need to worry about was to excel in school and nothing else. I really miss those days. But I guess this is the biggest part of growing up — making that important decision which would affect the rest of our life.

Frankly speaking, I am having this throbbing headache right now from all the thinking and trying to weigh the best decision. And I feel a little feverish =(

Question of the day: What do you think about studying abroad vs studying locally.

I know many would say that studying abroad offers a lot of advantage, but what about studying locally especially when you have all the comfort e.g car, nice apartment, family, etc? I would really appreciate some opinion here. I know I have really shy readers, so feel free to email me your opinion if you don’t feel like leaving comments here –> veronicle@gmail.com

Some says that there’s not much difference. By the end of the day, you would get yourself a PhD anyway and no one can argue with you about that.

=__=

I really wonder why we would always end up running into the one person whom we totally don’t wish to see only when we really wish that we would never see him/her ever? I have been bumping into this one very particular girl since yesterday, and I must say, she must have been my least favorite person in the world because I could immediately feel the rush of adrenaline the moment I see her. And I wonder why, although I have only seen her in pictures, I could literally recognize her from miles away. And today, I gave her the hard stare while she was clinging so hard to her BF looking like she was afraid I might eat her up. Gheezz…I wonder why she was looking so scared. And definitely there is something not right with the way she’s walking. Have you watched on Discovery Channel or National Geographic  how an Orang Utan walks while holding a human’s hand? She was walking like that. And I am not a bit joking.

Anyway, I am done with all the cat fights and it is time to focus on something more serious, like earning serious money or something. And I am waiting eagerly to be contacted by an old friend for some projects or something (*when are you coming?? ^__^*) And I am so done allowing myself to be upset and down over matters which are totally not worth my time and energy. Yeah, I tend to lose all my energy whenever I am feeling down and sad. But, that should be over now, or at least for the time being (*gosh…again I have a very bad feeling about this!*)

End~

I know when I told you, “Don’t bother calling!”, you actually pointed your middle finger at me deep in your heart. And I know when I asked you, “Are you tired of me yet?”, you just wanted to scream at me and said, “HELL YEAH!!”

I have seen it all. Seriously, it is not a surprise how people would walk in and out of our lives so easily. And this time, I just don’t give a damn.

Two pills and I had 18 hours of undisturbed sleep and I couldn’t even remember having any dreams at all. Now, that is what we call a peaceful sleep. But the peace vanished the moment I opened my eyes, realising that I am back to reality, waiting for it to bite me harder. And horror of all horror, I am finally out of Imovane and just like an addict, I have been thinking how can I get my hands on those drugs again without having to go through my doctor. Anyone?

As I was searching through the net to look for any loopholes or perhaps an online drug store, I stumbled upon a few articles about the drug and found out that it causes addiction higher than any other tranquilizer. And people who take Imovane has higher chance of getting cancer because of the adverse effect on the body immune system. Heck, I would rather want to end my life’s misery even faster, so I don’t think I care. And as selfish as that may sound to most of you, how I wish you would know what is hidden right in this beating heart of mine. Yeah, that heart. Sometimes I wish I could just ask it to stop beating, but most of the time it would just beat harder, as if it was telling me that no matter what it would never fail on me.

I have not been eating anything since I fell into the deep slumber, and surprisingly, I am not that hungry although my stomach begs to differ judging by the sound it produces everytime I refuse to walk myself to the kitchen which is not even a stone throw away. I am a little vague on the rule of my religion whether it is a sin to deprive my own body from food unless the reason is because I am fasting but clearly I am not which means I am neglecting my responsibility to take a good care of my body. Heck, I have sinned too much anyway.

I feel rather numbed or perhaps I have finally accept the fact that my own happiness lies in my hand although most of the time I stupidly let other people to control my happiness. Irony how I would rather see other people happy than myself. Sometimes, I think it is stupid. But as stupid as it may sound, no one would ever get it but myself. A friend said, “It is so difficult to make other people happy. Why not make ourselves happy instead?” The question is, what if we cannot even make ourselves happy? Let alone others?

As much as I want to crawl into bed and continue my sleep just to run away from the reality, I think I’d stay awake and wait for whatever life may bring me today. And my gut feeling is telling me that it is not gonna be good.

End~~

I was staring at the last two pieces of Imovane and was wondering whether I should just swallow them all so that I would sleep and wake up the next day (*although I wish I don’t have to wake up again to face the ruthless reality of life that it has been such a bitch to me*)

I have serious attitude problem at times. And that is my attitude. Am not surprised how many would judge me fairly based on what I have written here, but these are just the tip of the iceberg.

Gheezz…the pills are working fine and seriously I am feeling high and drowsy. What if I attempt to drink alcohol right after this tranquilizer? What will I do? Will I do? Well, I guess I have to assign myself as the lab rat of the day. Imovane + hard liqour == ??

It is time to focus on the more important thing in life — ME!

Why haven’t I learned from my mistakes?
Why have I been such an ignorant fool?
Why have I not been a lot wiser?
Why?

It is no longer about you or him or her or them. This time, it is all about me. And that is all I would ever care about!

To carve the smile on my face and not yours.
To hear my own laughs and never yours.
To create my own happiness instead of yours.

Mine, and all will be mine alone.

No matter what the reason may be, it is never ok to lie to your partner. Truth hurts, but it hurts even more to find out that you have been lying at. It feels like this heart has been stabbed over and over and over and over and over again with a knife. It feels like it has been ripped apart brutally and yet still struggling to beat so that it would stay alive to feel all the pain. It feels like…….

I really don’t know what to feel anymore. I really don’t know what to feel. I have no more tears to cry. I have no more strength to even cry. I am giving up. Yes, that is what I am gonna do. Just give up.

Leave me alone now. All of you. All of you!!

I don’t know why but I bet most of us agree that we are addicted to Facebook. It almost seems like we have sold our soul to Facebook. We cannot live without Facebook. We will take every chance we have to update our status or even just stalk our friends. And if we have to choose between doing our work and Facebook, we would say proudly, “I’d do my work with pride and honour!!” But how sad it is to realise that we often caught ourselves wasting our time Facebook-ing. And since when “Facebook” has become a verb?

There are times that I totally hate Facebook. If you think that money is the root of all evil, then Facebook is like the best buddy of money (*I know you don’t get it neither do I =P*) I hate Facebook because it causes a lot of problems especially when it comes to relationships. How many times have you fought with your partner over the guy or girl in your friend list? How many times have you caught yourself feel like a loser because most of your friends are finally married and you feel like the last single girl or boy? (*well, if I am a boy, I wouldn’t bother to worry about anything!*) And how many times have you found yourself caught in the greatest dilemma of your life whether to approve friend requests from the ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?

It’s funny how we seems to allow Facebook to rule our life. It’s like an addiction. I find myself pretty addicted to it. A friend used to tell me, “Veron, your Facebook page is like a newspaper.” Probably because I always keep my status updated? Well, I know some would say, “Hey, we don’t give a damn over what you have for breakfast!” or “We don’t need to know about your private life!”, but again, why care about what people think or say as long as it makes you happy? They can choose not to read it and there is always an option to hide any updates from any particular person. See, we all have the choice to make ourselves happy =)

Sigh…I guess I am just bored. I’ll do my work now. (*And you bet I’d be busy Facebook-ing!*)

p/s: Watch this video and you’ll get what I mean =P

Remember how I have been talking about not falling in love again? About how I will not give my heart to anyone ever again? And how I will stop believing that love is ever exist?

Well, he is the only exception =)

It has been a difficult two weeks and I hope that would be the end of it although most likely I would bump into more surprises very soon (*that’s what my heart tells me =(*) You know how some people can have really strong instinct, like when they know something bad is gonna happen, something bad is really gonna happen. And I am one of those people and I just hate it! It would have been another different story if I could do anything to change or at least prevent the bad things from happening, but the universe just tell me “Dream on, baby!” because seriously, I am just one helpless soul wandering on this earth waiting for more surprises to scare the living daylight out of me. Peaceful sleep at night? It sounds more like a fairy tale where the ending is happily never after!

Anyway, it’s Random Monday so I am gonna write some random stuffs.

1. I lost my favorite cookbook and I feel like that’s the end of the world!! (*Where are you, cookbook? Please come back to Mama!*) I cooked many food thanks to that book and now I feel like I am crippled! Anyway, Boo said he’s gonna get me a new one, but really, I doubt I would find the same book. It’s just irreplaceable!! Huuuhuhuhuhu! =(

2. I changed the battery of my car coz the old one was already kapot (*says the mechanic who wanted to rob me of my dollars and he did!!*) coz I paid RM280 for a dry battery. “Maintenance free, maintenance free”, he said and I saw money flew out of my pocket although it wasn’t really my pocket coz I swiped Daddy’s credit card (*for upteen times now…bleaahhh*)

3. I have been fasting.

4. Well, not really. It’s more like I almost fast but an hour before the time to break fast, I would catch myself drinking water =P Kidding la, I am not fasting. Boo is fasting, hence our dinner time has changed drastically!! Boo berbuka puasa, I also berbuka puasa. Boo sahur, I also join lah! =P But I think people think more about food during Ramadhan than any other time throughout the year =D Don’t you think so??!!

5. I freaking hate my hair. Yes, I do!! And I always will!

6. I love my boyfriend!! (*Wooaahh, that is so random =)*)

7. I want to swim and I need to get new bikinis. Sunway Lagoon this weekend? Maybe =)

End~~